Wednesday, February 9, 2011

How to pretend to be a Hipster and be convincing

Get a guitar. It doesn’t matter if you play, the main idea is to lean it casually against a wall. If someone ever asks for a tune reply with “can’t be assed” suggest watching a Danish avant garde film instead.
Purchase some vinyls, make sure you purchase Smiths, Bob Dylan and Leonard Cohen so that you can look truly indie and not like you were singing along to “Teenage Dream” at a scarily high decibel. Chuck in an old Madonna- if anyone asks reply with “Madonna is my guilty pleasure”. Only have one guilty pleasure.
Ride an old retro style bike.
Can’t afford furniture? No problem –In fact if you have furniture throw it out. The crack den look is in, lay your mattress on the floor, line your walls with books, purchase a lot of crates. Put everything in your crates and pile em’ up. Place your table lamp on the floor.
Play a lot of shins and read “the diamond as big as the Ritz”- Remember you are not an emo. Thus you enjoy the fun, shallow aspect of Fitzgerald’s pros while still understanding the darker underlying themes.
If you are a girl make Edie Sedgewick, Lesley Arfin and Rumour Willis your heroes. If you are a boy make VinceNoir/ Noel Fielding, Julian Casablancas and the front man from the Foals your style icons. Remember boys your fashion is now part of your identity, and important to you. Go thrifting. Buy Ray bans. Roll up you jeans at the bottom. Do not get a fake tan. Biddy’s get fake tans. Biddys are never proper indie folk
Take polaroids. Scan an obscure polaroid into your macbook and use for your profile picture on facebook.
Go to music festivals.
Sometimes sit in a coffee shop and read a penguins classic. Sometimes thrift. Sometimes walk in the park. Eat brochette.
Roll your own cigarettes.
Talk about characters in books, authors and tv personalities as if you know them "Yeah that's what me and Charles Buwkowski have in common".
Have an identity crisis go to Vietnam and ride a bike for a while so you can "find yourself".
Travel; these places are in; Croatia-in. Amsterdam-in. Laos-In. Vietnam-in. Barcelona-in. Shoreditch- in.
Tweet. Write smart ans sassy comments. Be arty. Don't worry if no one knows what you are talking about.